Family Pieces Page 11

  “Hey.” With everything her friend had been through, Hanna couldn’t help but worry. She knew Karsen was strong, but she also knew she’d never experienced anything near this magnitude. Just one of the traumatic events she had endured would be hard enough, but it seemed the hits just kept on coming. Hanna was determined not to let her down. “I thought you might want someone to go with you.”

  “Thanks. You don’t know how much so.”

  A different nurse than the day before escorted Karsen back down the familiar hallway to an examination room. Hanna followed behind. There was a large black and white monitor along with a machine similar to a computer. Karsen took a seat on the long examination table and nervously fidgeted as they waited for the doctor. Hanna sat quietly on a small chair by the wall, not knowing what to do or say.

  A woman dressed in light blue scrubs entered and introduced herself as the ultrasound technician. Her nametag read Mary and Karsen estimated she was in her early forties. Mary asked Karsen to pull up her shirt and tucked a towel between her belly and her jeans. She squirted a clear jelly on the area just below Karsen’s belly button and then moved a wand-like device over top.

  “See that,” Mary pointed to a flash on the screen. “That’s the heartbeat.” Her voice was tender. Karsen concealed her disappointment and simply nodded her head in acknowledgment that she indeed saw the tiny pulse of a heartbeat. She had dreamed of having children, but the scenario in her perfectly planned imaginings differed greatly. She’d envisioned herself experiencing this moment except it was not with Hanna by her side. She pictured her husband holding her hand, both of them laughing and smiling at the first sight of their child. How naive she’d been, ridiculing the mass of teenagers who found themselves pregnant claiming their birth control failed or they only had sex once. It only took once and, birth control or no birth control, there was no denying that a life was growing inside her.

  “Dr. Warren estimated about right. The fetus is measuring right around eight weeks. Any earlier and the heartbeat may not be visible.” Mary typed a few keystrokes before setting down the device and wiping the excess gel off of Karsen. “Everything looks good at this point. Congratulations.”

  She handed Karsen a four-by-six piece of slick white paper. Karsen scanned the black and white image that looked like nothing more than a small peanut.

  “Thanks,” Karsen said out of obligation. How could you tell a stranger this was not what you wanted? How did other girls react? How many unplanned pregnancies had this technician dealt with working at the college health facility? Perhaps she assumed Karsen was just another statistic.

  “Go ahead and get dressed. Dr. Warren will be in.”

  Karsen mustered another thank you.

  A few minutes later the door opened and Dr. Warren entered with Karsen’s file in hand.

  “So everything appears to be normal at this point. Based on your measurements and the date of your last menstrual cycle, your due date calculates to October sixth.”

  Due date? Karsen had prayed all night that the test was wrong, that she wasn’t pregnant, or if she was that she’d miscarry and it would all go away. Then she felt horrible and ashamed at wishing for an unsuccessful pregnancy when so many women couldn’t conceive.

  “Now, I know your friend is here...” Dr. Warren continued.

  “You can say anything in front of her,” Karsen interrupted. “It’s okay.”

  “All right then. You do have options and I’d like to help you through them. You should take some time to think. When it comes to an unplanned pregnancy, the last thing you want to do is make a rash decision you may regret. There are repercussions with every path.”

  “I understand.”

  “In the mean time, we need you to make sure you are taking care of yourself. The prenatals are a start. No alcohol, no sushi, no smoking, no drugs.”

  “Not an issue.”

  “Also, watch your caffeine and drink plenty of water.”

  “What about running?”

  “Exercise is good as long as you don’t overdo it and stay hydrated.” Dr. Warren closed the file. “Karsen, I’m not an obstetrician. If you decide to keep the baby, we’ll need to find you one.”

  “I understand.”

  Hanna and Karsen left the health clinic quietly and climbed into Hanna’s car. Karsen, armed with a pile of pamphlets on pregnancy, collapsed into the passenger seat. A wave of heat pent up within the car overtook her. She felt both mentally and physically exhausted.

  “What do I do now?” Karsen sincerely asked Hanna.

  “I can’t answer that for you, hun.” Hanna placed her hand over top of Karsen’s. “You’re going to need to tell James soon, though.”

  “I know.”

  “And Brad.”

  “I know.” Karsen pulled her sunglasses out of her purse and put them on to hide her bloodshot eyes, wishing she could hide behind them from the world.

  That evening Karsen forced herself to eat. She knew if she didn’t, the potent vitamins would wrench her stomach. She picked at a left over piece of pizza and managed to finish a glass of milk. Her mind was too tired to search for answers. She knew what she needed to do.

  She stared at the names as she scrolled through the addresses logged into her phone. She knew she couldn’t tell James over the phone, yet she cringed at the thought of seeing him face-to-face. She inhaled deeply as the blue light highlighted his number and before she could chicken out, she hit send. She listened to the rings across the line as she whispered to herself “Voice mail. Voice mail. Please let me get his voice mail.”

  “Hello?” The familiar deep voice pierced through her like an arrow and her heart sank.

  “James? Hi, it’s Karsen.”

  “Yes. I know.” They both sat momentarily lost for words.

  “I need to talk to you.”

  “Ooookaaay.” He paused. “So, what do you want to talk about?”

  “Not over the phone. Can I come over?”

  “When?”

  Never, she thought to herself, knowing full well that wasn’t an option. “As soon as you’re available,” she said biting her bottom lip anticipating his response. She couldn’t decide if she would rather deal with this sooner and get it over with, or later and avoid knowing his reaction.

  “I’m home for the evening.”

  “Okay. I guess I’ll head up now. Are you sure that’s okay?” She gave him one last opportunity to postpone.

  “I’m sure. See you in a few.” He hung up the phone.

  The drive from her apartment to his took roughly fifteen minutes. As Murphy’s Law would have it, she hit every green light and little to no traffic. Her nerves sent pins and needles up her spine. She couldn’t imagine how she was going to tell him. There was no easy way.

  “Hi,” James greeted her, opening the door and gesturing for her to enter. She felt odd. For so long, she had come and gone freely. Now, it felt like she was entering a stranger’s apartment.

  “Hi.”

  “Would you like a beer?” he asked as a formality. She could see his open on the counter.

  “No. Better not.”

  “Okay. Suit yourself. Water?”

  “No really, I’m fine. Thanks.”

  Awkwardly, she suggested they sit down on the couch. She sat on one end, he on the opposite.

  “So, what brought you up here? You wouldn’t return any of my calls.” The tone of his voice sounded like a scolded puppy, surprised that she hadn’t forgiven him.

  “I didn’t want to talk to you.”

  “So, why are you here?” He sounded flustered.

  “I wanted…” she stopped. “I’m not sure…” She gazed vacantly across the room noticing the framed photo of them had been removed from the end table. There was no indication anywhere of them ever having had a relationship.

  “Just spit it out.”

  She fought for the right words to soften the blow, but her mind drew a blank. Before she realized it, her mouth spit out two simple wo
rds – “I’m pregnant” – before her brain could stop her.

  “What?” James leaned back uneasily against the arm of the couch. His expression callous, he lifted the beer bottle to his lips.

  “I’m pregnant.” She looked into his eyes trying to analyze his reaction.

  “Are you sure?” he asked, expressionless.

  “Yes.”

  “And it’s mine?”

  “Yes,” she snapped indignantly.

  “Karsen! How did you let this happen?”

  “How did I? How did I let this happen? As if you weren’t there?”

  “You know what I mean.”

  Karsen took a deep breath and bit her tongue. She wanted to scream, “This is as much your fault as it is mine,” but she held back. Finally, she answered.

  “I don’t know.”

  “You don’t know?”

  “No, I really don’t know. This is as much a shock to me as it is to you. We always used condoms. You did that night I got back, right?”

  “I don’t remember. Anyway, I thought you had started taking the pill.”

  “No, I was going to, but I hadn’t had a chance to go get a prescription.”

  “Jesus, Karsen! How long have you known?” He stood up and glared down at her.

  “Since yesterday. It’s not like I’ve been hiding this from you. Man, you’re defensive.”

  “How am I supposed to be? I didn’t know you’d get knocked up like a high school cheerleader?”

  “Well, I guess that makes you captain of the football team then, doesn’t it?” Karsen’s voice began to waver.

  James turned away angrily, took a swig from his beer, and then turned back to face her. “Well, what are you going to do?”

  “What do you mean, what am I going to do?” She glared up at him, instantly feeling abandoned.

  His voice softened as he sat back down beside her. “Well, K, I mean it’s not as though either of us are in a position to have a baby right now.”

  Karsen’s heart dropped. Certainly he wasn’t suggesting she terminate the pregnancy. And without even the slightest hesitation. Befuddled, her mind searched for some mere resemblance of the man she thought she loved. She hadn’t known how he would react. She assumed he’d be shocked, angry even. But his eyes were cold, as if he was a bystander giving advice without an ounce of emotion.

  “Karsen.” He grabbed her hand. “I’m here for you. You know that.” She felt the tension release from her shoulders. “I’ll take care of any… any expenses.”

  She pulled her hand away. There was no fight left in her. She stood up, gathered her purse and walked in silence to the door. She left no closer to deciding on a path, yet she was clear on one thing. Crystal clear. James would not be on it.

  Hanna struggled not to tell Brad about Karsen’s situation. She contemplated bringing it up hypothetically, like another friend’s dilemma, but didn’t. She couldn’t betray Karsen’s trust. Part of her worried Brad would pull away from her, making his sister his priority over her. She questioned her own loyalty, which perplexed her with guilt. On one hand, Karsen and she were like sisters. On the other, withholding information from Brad felt deceitful.

  She pulled her car in front of the sidewalk and beeped the horn in a short burst. As she waited, the strident sound of the over-burdened air conditioner competed against the radio. She began to dial Karsen’s phone, but before it connected she saw Karsen close her apartment door.

  Karsen opened the passenger side door and climbed in.

  “Hi,” she said, trying to sound alive. She pulled the seat belt across her chest.

  “Hey, K. So, how’d it go last night?”

  “Horrible.” She thumped her head against the seat.

  “He was upset?”

  “Upset? Ha! More like nonchalant. He actually said he would ‘take care of expenses.’ And when I say expenses, he wasn’t referring to long-term child support.”

  “No way! I always knew he was a pig.” Hanna felt her blood boil. “If I see him…”

  “Hanna.” Karsen raised her hand signifying enough. “There’s no point. Really, I appreciate it, but after everything that’s happened I shouldn’t have expected anything else.”

  “Oh, honey, I’m sorry. I, I just hoped… I mean, MEN! It’s so much easier for them to cop out.”

  “I know.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “I think so. I mean something good has to come out of all of this, right?”

  “I hope so. Have you thought any more about what you’re going to do?”

  “A little, but I still feel so confused.”

  Hanna made a left turn onto Echo Drive and pulled into the line of cars waiting to park at the trailhead. Six or seven vehicles were lined up single file, snatching parking places one at a time as other vehicles pulled out.

  “Are you sure you should be doing this?” Hanna asked. They hiked frequently, but the hour-long trek to the top of Camelback Mountain required an ample amount of exertion.

  “I’ll be fine. Expectant women have run marathons. I can handle this. At any rate, I’m hoping some fresh air will help me get my head on straight.”

  Hanna didn’t argue.

  14

  “A natural, that girl is,” commented David as he snapped the last two “shots before his memory card read full. “Even her chip is perfect,” he teased.

  Addison laughed, knowing Mr. Montague’s account was secure as ever. The rescind article had been a success and clients were flocking to his spa. “Amazing what people will do when they hear the word FREE,” he had said admiringly during their last phone conference.

  “She is a beauty, that’s for sure.” Addison scooped up Adelaide and lifted her overhead.

  “Again!” Adie pleaded as soon as her feet touched the floor.

  “How about we find some chocolate milk instead?”

  “And some lunch,” Emily added. “Oh, Addison. She looks like a model.”

  “Well, that’s the point right?” Addison giggled. She knew Adie had that special glimmer to her. With her baby blue eyes and a slight dimple dipping into one of her round cheeks, she had looked like the picture-perfect baby from the moment she’d arrived.

  Adie quickly replaced Addison’s attention with Jacob’s who now held her while fake tango dancing across the hallway. With each turn and dip, she squealed with delight. “More dancing! More dancing!” Jacob, who seemed to be enjoying her as much as she him, obliged.

  “Marjorie, can you hold down the fort while I take these ladies to lunch?” Addison asked.

  Marjorie nodded as she continued talking into her headset.

  “Thanks for entertaining her, Jacob,” Emily said as she lifted Adie out of his arms. Adie fussed slightly. The shoot had lingered past her routine eleven-thirty lunchtime.

  “Anytime. I love kids. I’ve got three nieces that love to play with their Uncle J,” replied Jacob. He gave Adie a quick farewell peck on the forehead.

  “Any preference for food?” Addison asked Emily.

  “Anywhere that serves mac and cheese.”

  “Cheeeese!” Adie repeated, smiling as if back in front of the camera.

  The three made their way to a quaint café two blocks from Addison’s office where Adelaide blissfully ate her macaroni by placing each piece on her fork with her hand while the two women chatted.

  “Any plans for the weekend?” Emily picked up a piece of macaroni Adelaide dropped off the table and set it aside.

  “Nothing much. Dinner with Russell on Saturday maybe. We’ll see. I need to visit my mom, too. Did I tell you she was home now? I can’t remember. I keep telling her to take it easy, but you know my mom.”

  “Well, at least your mom seems to be heading in the right direction. So, anyway, how was your date with Russell?”

  “Which one?”

  “Which one? You didn’t tell me you saw him again. You’ve been holding out on me.”

  “I’m not holding out on you. There isn’t that muc
h to tell. The date was good. They were both good.” Addison tried to subdue her excitement. They’d only had a couple of dates. Still, even Addison was taken aback by their immediate connection. “We went for sushi and talked.”

  “Talked. That’s it? Nothing juicy?”

  “Like I said, there’s nothing to tell, really.”

  “Nothing? Come on. I’m married here. I live vicariously. Give me something.”

  “Okay. We kissed. Period.”

  “Details?” Emily pleaded. She cherished her marriage to Greg, but any true romantic misses that fluttering excitement from a first kiss.

  “What are we, in high school?”

  “Come on…” Emily giggled.

  “I’m a grown woman. I don’t kiss and tell. How-ev-er,” Addison drew out the word, “if a girl was younger and was to kiss and tell, she may add the details of how his strong hands lifted her chin slightly, his lips commenced with the lightest brush before proceeding confidently into a luscious, full-fledged, make your knees weak schoolgirl kiss.” Addison suddenly felt like they were in college again.

  “Aaaannnddd??”

  “And, that’s it. It took every ounce of restraint I had to close the door with him on the outside.”

  Emily looked disappointed. She hoped Addison would finally find someone to settle down with. She hated seeing her alone. Russell seemed perfect, although most of what she knew about him was based on tabloid magazines and television interviews, especially since Addison did not elaborate.

  Addison restrained herself from sharing more of her feelings with Emily. A part of her heart had already fallen for Russell, which was bittersweet. It was good, too good. She knew it couldn’t last.

  Karsen purchased her ticket online and chalked up the expense to one more ding on her credit card. She’d worry about how to pay for it later. She didn’t know why, but she knew she needed to think. Not here, not with James so close. At home, she could pretend momentarily that her life was normal. Besides, she reasoned, her dad could probably use some company. She packed a small duffle bag with enough clothes for the weekend: two shirts, a pair of sweats, an extra pair of jeans and her make-up bag. She pulled her hair into a ponytail and poked it through the hole in the back of her ASU ball cap. After calling a taxi, she left a voice mail for Hanna.